The Zen of Clarity is...

The Zen of achieving Zen

 

 

 

 

If you are reading this then you probably hold some interest in achieving and becoming a "Zen" person. But what does it mean to "become truly Zen"?  

I have learned it is an ongoing process that changes with the tide.

Speaking for myself and no one else, I have come to realize that if I TRULY want to become Zen, I have to accept that I will not FEEL Zen everyday. What does this mean?  

Well, what it means is that something I blew off as a minor setback on Monday, and laughed about,  may suddenly seem like a disaster on Tuesday - at least in MY mind - because I'm not feeling peaceful on Tuesday.

On the other hand, what I thought might actually be a matter of life or death on wednesday might become nothing more annoying than the irritating buzz of a mosquito on Thursday - simply because I am emotionally balanced and in tune with everything that day. Get it?

What I am trying to say is that being "Zen"or not, all depends on the frame of mind a person is in at the time.  Their reaction to any given  situation is subjective, and conducive to how they happen to be feeling at that moment.

And that's OK, because becoming truly Zen is a work in progress for us all. As human beings, what we can, and cannot accept, changes from day to day to fit what we are WILLING to accept, or not accept from day to day.

I have learned that in regards to achieving Zen, it is perfectly acceptable to have those days when I realize that I am still just a "mere mortal" - I know that those uncomfortable times shall too pass. and I will have many days in the future when I again feel at peace and know that all is right with the universe...

The Zen of never growing old

OK. I don't have some magic formula to take away wrinkles and turn back the clock so we all look twenty again - sorry.  However, something I used to hear on cereal commercials (and the occasional ad for Metamucil) is now starting to make sense to me, and I now realize that even as I laughed at it, I have always lived by it. 

And that is, You are as young as you feel. Really? Yes. Really. Case in point. At least up until now, I have many times been mistaken for younger than my real age - which is 102 by the way. Are genetics the cause? Somewhat. Diet and exercise? Sure, a bit.

But I believe the biggest factor that keeps us young, is whether or not we are able to look at the world through the eyes of a child.

I know I do this as I can't help myself. I laugh at silly things out of the blue, and at random. I crack corny jokes like a seven year old in public government offices. I SKIP like an idiot through malls and department stores whenever the mood strikes me. I DIG the shocked looks on the faces of the "normal".  Somehow, at least most days, the WORLD still fascinates me.  THANK GOD. 

Because it is when you LOSE your fascination with the world - with life, with learning, with something "tiny" being revealed to you - when you LOSE your desire to ABSORB and LEARN and GROW - that is when you GROW OLD.  And when you are at the point where you have nothing to look forward to, THAT is total hell - at least in my book.

And, the great thing is - We all have this capacity for "fascination" in us.  It is usually just buried deep down inside -  thanks to the normal stress and wear and tear of every day life and it's problems. But here are a few things that can help you recapture the silliness that will keep you young - and also help you to deal with the embarrassment of hanging out with friends like me when you happen to be with us when we are in that "skipping" mood:

1. Notice how babies find delight in every thing - Yes. Ask any mother and she will tell you - a smile from a baby can make the whole world OK again. It's like babies have all the answers to life's questions. And they do!  In fact, we ALL do, in our SPIRITS. It is just that a baby is brand new to the world, and it's spirit still KNOWS that everything will always be OK. A baby's spirit still recognizes the beauty in a butterfly, and laughs when he is tickled by a falling leaf!

We know these things too! We just forget them as we get over stimulated with nonsense year after year after year. So, when you need to be brought back down to earth, consult with any baby who doesn't need a diaper change - I promise, your mood will lift!

2. Note how your dog looks at you when you are being ridiculous - Notice I didn't say "cat".  Cats think we are ridiculous ALL THE TIME (Whatever Kitty), but your DOG is the most loyal friend you will ever have, and will usually be patient with you to a fault. But when you are being REALLY anal about life, notice how your dog will suddenly adopt a "disgusted" look at your shenanigans, then will do something to try to get you out of the mood you are in. In the case of my dog, I usually catch the clue to lighten up when I am suddenly pummeled from behind with a big, wet deflated basketball that he wants me to throw, but can't quite bring himself to give to me yet. My dog is wise, so is yours! Listen to him.

3. Admit you don't know everything - This may seem hard at first, but if you look at it, it's actually a great thing!  By not knowing EVERYTHING, not only are you open to learning NEW THINGS, but you may find a new PASSION that brings back your joy for life!  And, the best thing is - it's like a giant box of chocolates, Jenny. One you can open EVERY DAY!

Now, I must bid you "Adieu" so I can go skip through Bed Bath and Beyond...

 

 

 

 

A

 

Prison of your mind

I bet you'd sell your soul tonight

To leave your shackles far behind

But you don't have the courage

To break free from the prison of your mind

 

You tried so hard to run away

When you tried to cage me in

But to live in truth is to break those locks

So i hand you back your sin

 

You say you did it ALL for us?

That I abandoned YOU?

The one who stole my trust and ran

So who abandoned who?

 

You say you truley loved me?

And you just want to be heard?

But in the end your lies confirm

what you handed me in hurt

 

You say you miss me so much?

And your heart, it breaks in two?

Trying having it smashed into threes and fours

Then I'll believe that you know "cruel"

 

I'll bet you'd take it back again

For another shot at yesterday

But you only know the rape of good

and more debt you can't repay

 

I bet you miss it late at night

No more hearts of gold to find

You were blind to treasure in plain sight

For the prison of your mind

 

 

 

 

The Zen of realizing some people never change OR "The fall of the Roman empire"

Part three has been a long time in coming. And, I apologize. I have been through some changes. Moreover, I didn't realize it at the time, but I was actually writing the previous posts - Parts 1, 2, and now 3 - about myself and my situation - as well as for anyone else who recognized themselves in what i had to say.


It seems that first hand, I have experienced a situation in which I am faced with these very demons from someone I loved. It doesn't matter WHO that someone might be. Some of you  who read my posts probably already know who it is. And, I am not here to trash this person. Despite how it ended, we DID have our good times - it's just that sometimes, no matter how much you love someone and think you understand them, THEIR demons are just to hard for them to deal with.  So, where does that leave the other person? Or rather, where does that leave ME?

Simple - I have to forgive, and I have to learn to deal with the hurt and any other debris caused by its fallout, and go on. And that I have been doing, and it's been slow at times, but  I am making progress -  although it hasn't been easy - to say the least. But what I am taking away from the situation is GOLD - it's simply what I have learned from the experience that is now a part of me forever. There are many things and in so many different facets, but here are just several of them for you - short and sweet, in the interest of time:

1. I have learned that it is true - that many people will come and go in a person's lifetime, and each person who stopped "by" in that life, did so at the precise moment they were meant to be there.  And, although it is easy for a person to at first, have regrets and think things like, "Wow, i wish i had never met him or her". And, "if only I hadn't opened my heart to this person" - I have found that you should actually be grateful to that person for being in your life, and for teaching you those things you needed to learn about YOURSELF, if nothing else.

2. I have learned that I have an inner strength that has been tried by the fire of pain, and has NOT been found lacking. And, Although, sometimes this feeling varies from day to day in me actually believing it, every day I grow a bit more in strength, and I thank GOD and the universe (and YES, that person) for revealing this to me THROUGH the experience I had with God, the universe and THAT person.

3. I have learned that love and compassion for other people DOESN'T have to diminish just because you get hurt by them  - in fact, I am positive that even if this person doesn't appear to have learned from me in this lifetime, the chances are good that I have also taught him something at some level, anyway, whether he recognizes it or not. 

4.  I have learned that companion animals can be a great source of spiritual healing, as well as a comforting warm body in the night that contains a heart big enough to get you through the rough spots, AND with all the essence of a clown to make you laugh, and bring you back down to earth whenever you need it. (Which these days, is often, I'm afraid)

5. I have learned that my experiences have also been so I am able to help others in similar situations, who may not be at the level of thinking yet to where the pain has started to become bitter sweet, instead of just unbearable. 

It is true - It is always darkest before the dawn...And with those thoughts my friends, I bid you Good night....

The ZEN of realizing some people never change Part 2

 

So, what DO you do when someone you’ve helped and trusted turns out to be a snake that obviously has NO regard or respect for your efforts, your feelings, or compassion for you?

Well, the first thing most want to do is get mad at the injustice and strike back (understandably, of course). But really – where does this get you? No where with them – usually – or maybe an insincere apology at best, but mostly you just get more upset the more you think about it at a lack of their understanding.

And, you can try in vain to make them understand what they did was wrong, and force them to see your side of things. And, although they may nod and pretend they understand and agree – if you look closely while your trying to communicate with them, you’ll notice their eyes starting to glaze over a bit. The bottom line is -  you may as well be speaking another language in trying to get them to see “the light”. They don’t understand, they won’t understand, and it’s because they CAN’T understand.

How can this be?  Do they have no feelings? Keep reading…

Each and Every person is who THEY ARE and nothing more.  Each and everyone of us has our reasons, and have collected our own experiences which have resulted in our own insecurities that make up the way we view our worlds.  And, for  a lot of us, this is also what will color the way we treat others, as well. 

If a person thinks that the world is against him, and they’ve unfairly been given the short end of the stick all their lives, it won’t matter if you suddenly show up carrying a foot long tree branch and present it to them with a smile – most of them will make sure they also take the little twigs you’ve kept for yourself, as well.

If someone has been raised in anger and turmoil, then their view of real love and kindness will most likely be warped, as well. And, it won’t matter how much love and tenderness you lavish upon them, nor will it make a difference if at first they SEEM to open up and receive it – and return it.

Chances are this STILL won’t be enough to change their overall view of things, and quell whatever angst they carry around inside that nothing seems to fill. And they will eventually revert back to what is familiar to them, and YOU will end up being a convenient target for the rage they hold onto like a winning lotto ticket.

Then there is the other type of person who is able to fool and con even the most empathetic and “zen-nish” of us.  And, once their true colors show, this is the person whom at first you are SURE is devoid of any feeling or empathy at all. Well, you are right, but you are also wrong.

They may be missing HUMAN feeling, but they do have one feeling. And that is TRUE emptiness.   So empty that they can’t even feel anger, sadness or rage – or regret.. And who knows WHY they are like that?

They could have been severely abused by a parent at the bonding stage of their childhood, or maybe they’re missing that one genetic chromosome that gives the majority of people the capability to feel different emotions.

Whatever it is, the person is usually  a great actor in imitating all the emotions the rest of us have - as he or she has been doing it all their lives, just to fit in with “normal” society.  This person can fool almost anyone – ourselves included, and is most likely whom the psychologists are referring to when they label someone a true “narcisstic”.

But where does this leave YOU? Where does it leave you with THEM? With yourself? With others you may meet in the future who would do the same thing without a second thought? How do you DEAL with what it does to YOU, and the way you now view the world?

 

NOTE: Again, this was TOO long and I’m TOO longwinded as it is. So, part 3 tomorrow..

The Zen of realizing that some people never change PART 1

NOTE: This was WAY too long so I had to cut in down into 2 parts. For those of you who haven’t fallen asleep by this longwinded fable, Part 2 will be posted tomorrow.

Every time someone I’ve elected to trust ends up showing me their true colors, the first thing I think of is the punch line from that quaint little fable of wisdom I first heard during a scene in the movie Natural Born Killers.

Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis are on that reservation getting high on peyote with an old Indian wise man, who tells them this story -

“A woman found a rattlesnake frozen and half dead with cold. Feeling sorry for it, she took it home and tried to nurse it back to health. She gave it  medicine, warmed it by the fire, made sure it was clean and comfortable. She did this for weeks, until finally, the snake was restored to perfect health.

One day, after the snake had gained it’s strength back, she picked it up to feed it and it struck out at her and bit her on the hand – poisoning her. As she lay writing in agony, she looked at it, confused and hurt, and asked, “How could you do this to me? You were almost dead and I rescued you, cleaned up, warmed you by the fire, and fed you. Without me you would have died!  You should be grateful and love me, but instead you bite me with your poisonous fangs, and now, because of you I will die! 

Well, the snake looked back at her, equally confused by her question, and answered as honestly as it could, “Bitch, you KNEW I was a snake”.

What’s my point? Just this –  Most of us have had times when we’ve elected to take someone under our wings when everyone else was against them. Maybe we’ve loaned them money or let them stay with us. Supported them in some way when they were down. Showed them love and kindness, warmed them by the fire and fed them – whatever. And, most of us were probably convinced that our love and kindness would rub off on them and they would love us and treat us the same way in return. And we had faith in this feeling – until the the day they bit us with their poison.

Harsh Reality

Harsh reality - it's the winter  frost

in the place where the sun

used to warm your skin

It's the slow death of a heart

that grows colder

Day after dark day

Even though you still wince

at the sting of the wounds

as it numbs over

 

Harsh reality - is a yesterday that is so far removed

from the present

That you think it ancient history

Until the day you awake to find

it only happened in a dream 

Harsh reality - is holding onto something

Clinging foolishly to thin air

And almost, but not quite

catching the glimpse of

the phantom that was part of you

Yet - really, never there

 

It's knowing the exact moment

the color's began to change

And thinking to you could

ignore it

Because if you looked at the canvas

from a certain angle

you could still make out

the fading outline

of something someone once

painted

with your soul

How we look at things...an example...

This is something I wrote five or so years ago. Before I had heard of Toltec Wisdom. It's an example of how a person sees something through his or her own eyes...enjoy!

My Creation

When I look at you
Your form takes on what I think I see
What I need you to be

I might take nobility - and see it there
In you, where there is none

In your cold cruel laugh
I cast in it, the glowing warmth of sun

When you speak I don't sense emptiness
Its "nothing" covered up in smiles

In your dead flat eyes that stare past me
I see a depth that runs for miles

In you, is built a legend
Created from my hallowed ground

In a slanted slide-show in which you star
I chase echoes of footsteps without sound

You are MY creation...

Remembering Toltec Wisdom during those "But I know what's best for you", situations

When you are in a relationship with someone  it's easy for you to see the "holes" in make up of that other person - and, it's oh, so human, to want to try and fill it for them. For instance, if the person you're with has a deep depression that has caused an anger problem -  and you know a bit of his background and the things that may have caused it - you can probably see the steps he should take that would enable him to deal with his demons, and eventually end his daily suffering of rage and sadness that colors his world. So, because you love him -  you bring this up as gently as possible.

And....you're met with a brick wall and stony silence, denial, or his anger - this time directed towards YOU. So, what do you do in this case - assuming you are in this relationship for the long haul?   You quit trying to FIX him.  You love him just the way he is, faults and all - like he loves you.  After all they're HIS demons, not yours. You have your own.   I know it's hard, but that's all you can do.

I remember this saying my former sister in law - a brilliantly smart, deeply depressed individual - once said, that stuck to me like glue ever since I heard her say it. In regards to depression, "A depressed person can KNOW there's a button just within reach that will cure her depression and make her happy -  but she won't push it, because she's too depressed".  More simply put, it's as it states in Toltec Wisdom, "Everyone sees life through their own eyes only". So, until they're ready to deal with the long term ramifications their state of being will have on their health, their spirit,  their emotional well being, and their relationships with others  - no one can do a damn thing to make them see the light. 

So, the best you can do for them - and yourself - is to love them for their TRUE nature. You know, the one that's hiding in there somewhere that made you love them in the first place.  It's still there - and you know it because you catch glimpses of it -  even though it's covered over a lot of the time. That, and pray that God will heal them or help them want to heal themselves. And, as far as you're concerned, keep your boundaries with them for sure -  but remember that nothing hurtful they do is aimed at you personally, it's how they see the world. And  - just work on keeping YOUR peace of mind.

You never know - maybe developing your own still, peaceful nature, will cause your loved one to want that for himself.

A song written about you

In a previous post, I talked about why I was of the opinion that certain artists, writers, singers and poets had such a following because their "art work" - in whatever venue it happens to be - "speaks"  to a majority of people in ways that they, by themselves, can't express.

I want to give you an example, by posting a song by Avril Lavigne. It's called Broken Inside. I LOVE this song - not because of her beautiful voice, or the tune - which are both "tops" in my book, but because for the longest time, while growing up, I felt EXACTLY like the subject of her song. In fact, this desperate feeling of being alone in the crowd  - this is THE feeling from which I sought freedom.  And, it's THE one responsible for causing my journey of self-reflection to begin with.

So, listen to the song, and read the lyrics.  See if you don't recognized someone you know. And, if you do - don't despair - it seems that you're in good company - and that you are, connected -  after all. And isn't this one of the main lessons in our journeys? To finally realize that we've never been alone - but in fact, have always been connected?

Enjoy...